Christmas in the graveyard
by Elliebunk
Summary: Alone for the holidays, Spike is suprised with a Christmas vistor. SpikeTara
1. Becoming a statistic

_AN/: I'm playing around with the timeline a bit to make it closer to Christmas. You'll understand when you read it_.

**Disclaimer: Direct all your love to Joss, he deserves it. (And wish for a Christmas "Gee, maybe I should make a _Serenity_ sequel" miracle!)**

IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

'_No wonder so many people off themselves around the holidays.' _Spike thought, reclined in his chair._ 'Watchin' all the happy families run around filled with Christmas cheer is enough to make anyone wanna take a bullet to the brainpan.' _

He hadn't always felt this way. In his human days, Christmas was all about family; he and his mum going to parties, mass, dinners. It had been joyful; his favorite holiday. There had always been a beautiful tree in the parlor, and mountains of gifts all around. The house would smell of turkey and steamed pudding, and would always inspire him so much that he'd fill pages and pages of his journal with poetry. He got his best work done around the holidays.

Even after the life was drained out of him, Christmas was still memorable; he and Dru would party the night away. Dancing, feasting, lost in their own world. He still held on to one of the gifts she had given him years ago- a silver lighter. A reminder of happier times.

Christmas now though, was far from the wonder it used to be. Now he had no mum, no Dru, no real friends. He had gotten used to that; over the years he had gotten used to being alone. But Buffy…now she was gone too. He didn't even have the illusion of hope with her left anymore; she had taken that, along with so much more, when she had walked out of here after Soldier Boy had come back for a visit, leaving him a shell of the man he had been before.

Last Christmas, Dawn and Tara had gone out and bought him a few things- a candelabra, a few books. Tara brought along a bottle of decent wine and some soda for Dawn and the three had spent the day after Christmas together. He remembered that so well- the three of them sitting in the candlelight drinking and talkin' together. He remembered sneaking Dawn a sip of his wine and Tara scolding him when he was caught, laughter in her eyes. It had been nice, knowing that they had cared enough to come. He had a feeling they wouldn't be showing up this ear, what with Tara leaving Willow and Buffy moving on, out of his dark. This year he was really and truly alone.

Just as he was about to enter a new level of self- pity, Spike sensed something outside the door. Alert, he sat still, knowing it could only be HER. If She was going to break up with him, She better not expect to come back looking for a Christmas fuck just a few weeks later; He was protecting the few shreds of dignity he had left with his life.

She knocked on the door, waiting for him to let her in. Spike closed his eyes and leaned his head back. If She had learned these marvelous manners years ago, She could have saved him many a door.

She knocked again. "Spike?" Tara's voice softly called out. Spike was on his feet instantly. He opened the door to find her standing there, clutching a bottle in one arm and a big ol' present in the other.

"Glinda; wasn't expectin' you." He told her, leaning against the doorframe and eying her warily.

Tara blushed and hurried to explain. "W-well, I didn't have anywhere to g-go for the holidays, a-and I figured…" She trailed off, looking into the darkness of the crypt.

Spike finished for her. "Y' figured that I'd be all by my lonesome as well." He guessed. She nodded, looking like he had just scolded her. He pushed off the wall and stood, arms crossed. "Well, sorry to disappoint, but I've got a party startin' any minute now." He informed her.

Her eyes dropped and she started backing away. "Oh, I-I'm sorry, I didn't know. I'll j-just go, okay? Merry C-Christmas." She turned. Spike quickly went out and pulled her back. She ended with his hand on her waist and staring up at his eyes, which were inches from her own.

"It's not much of a party, just me an' my old friend Jack." He told her quietly. He breathed in slowly, inhaling the scent of sandalwood and cinnamon that was all her.

She smiled that lopsided grin of hers- the one that had always made him take a second look whenever Willow wasn't around.

"D-Do you mind if me and the fancy French guy here join you?" She asked, holding up the wine.

Spike shrugged. "Don't know how Jack feels, but I'm for it." He told her. She chuckled- a sound that ran straight down his spine- and handed him the gift.

"Merry Christmas, Spike." She whispered, heading inside. Spike stared after her a moment, trying to gather himself. Course, watching her hips as she went through the door was guaranteed to make that difficult. Shaking his head, he took a deep breath and followed her in. The holidays were starting to look up.


	2. Christmas magic

_AN/: I've noticed in this story that I write more of a soulful Spike than he was in season six-I blame this on the fact that I just watched my Season seven DVDs again, and I hope you'll be so full of Christmas cheer that you'll forgive me. To compensate, I'll write up a one-shot of evil Spike earning his name later on, promise. MERRY VARIOUS HOLIDAYS!!!!!!!!!_

IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

Tara walked in and attempted to see through the dark. For some reason, Spike didn't have a single flame burning. She took out a book of matches and proceeded to light the candles that littered the room.

'_Willow would've just exclaimed ' luminarium' or something and had the place ablaze in a heartbeat.' _Tara couldn't help but think.

She knew she wasn't completely over Willow, but she was close. She couldn't help the occasional thought that popped into her head, though. They'd been together too long for Tara to be able to push her out completely.

Tara again started thinking about the reasons she had decided to come see Spike. Buffy had invited her over for Christmas, but she just couldn't make herself go. It wasn't just that Willow would be there, it was also that she couldn't look at Buffy the same; after she heard about what she had done to Spike, Tara just couldn't summon up the respect that used to be there for the Slayer. And Spike…Strange as it was, she considered him a friend. He was the only one in the group besides Dawn who looked at her and saw something other than 'Willow's girlfriend', or in the case 'ex'. He saw her as a person, the same as she saw him; and lately, for some reason, how he saw her was important.

Tara looked up from the candles as she felt eyes on her. She looked over to see Spike standing in the entryway, a curious expression on his face.

"Why are y'here, pet?" He asked her, eyes glowing in the candlelight. Tara couldn't help but fidget a little.

"It didn't see right, going to Buffy's. They're- we're not really friends; they put up with me because of Willow, and now that we're done…I-it just didn't feel right."

Spike walked closer and tilted his head. "But y'felt okay about comin' here?" he asked.

"We were friends despite the fact that you weren't friends with Willow. You talked to me anyway, and that means something."

A smile came to his lips and he nodded. "We were at that. It's cause you were the only one with any kind of brain outta the lot. The only one who wasn't 'Buffy-whipped'. I admired you. There you were, all shy and quiet-like, but the minute they got too stupid for words, you put 'em in their place." His face softened and he looked at her kindly. "Like that whole thing with Willow. They all saw what she was doin' and none of them had th'balls to stand up to her. But you did. You stood up an' called her on it, and then you took the big step an' left before she dragged you down too. Somethin' like that demands respect." He smiled again. "You're blushin', luv." He teased her.

Her face only succeeded in turning redder. "Sorry, but you make me sound all heroic, and we both know I'm not."

"I don't know that." Spike replied, walking towards the fridge. "Most people would consider goin' from a semi-normal college girl to a demon-hunting, world-savin' super-witch to be pretty heroic." He grabbed two coffee mugs and walked back to her. "Here y'go, the finest glasses in the house. Now, let's get pissed."

IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

An hour later, they both lay on the floor, a nice buzz setting in. Tara rolled her head in Spike's general direction and gave him a happy smile.

"Why is it about alcohol that makes the holidays much more bearable?" She asked. He scooted closer until his head rested by her shoulder, and sighed before answering.

"The booze makes you numb enough not to notice the forced smiles and hollow laughter surrounding you. That's why everyone's always plastered at Christmas parties. If everyone could just get back to the true meaning of Christmas, they'd all be better off. Things didn't used to be like this." He explained, rolling onto his back. Tara's finger's found their way into his hair and she tousled it until the curls were free.

"What true meaning? Jesus?"

"No, it's about family. Friends. Happiness regardless of what the world thought. It wasn't about the gifts or celebratin' for the hell of it-it was about more than that."

Tara smiled at him softly, touched that he'd let this side of himself show- his human side.

"I think you might be right. Right now, I'm happier than I've been in a long time."

Spike raised his head and rolled onto his elbows. He looked at her, his eyes intense. He wasn't sure exactly what she had meant by that, but he knew how he had taken it.

"Have y'ever kissed a man, luv?" He asked, his voice lower than usual.

Tara's mouth went dry and she couldn't answer. Was this what she wanted? When it came to relationships, she didn't date someone based on their sex, she was with them because of the person they were. She'd stayed away from men since she was sixteen, and looking at Spike- after Willow, he just seemed so _male. _Swallowing hard, she spoke up.

"Yes."

"Did y'enjoy it?"

"No." She whispered. Spike's brow furrowed.

"Why not, luv?" He asked, his voice now dangerously low.

Tara faced away from him, tears threatening to escape. "I-it was-"

"-Did he hurt you?"

Tara just nodded. Spike's eyes flashed yellow as he let out a growl. He pushed his very angry demon back and moved closer to cup Tara's face in his hands.

"If I kiss ya, pet, I promise that nothin' will hurt. The only time I ever hurt y'was that one time I punched you, and ya gotta admit, it was for a good reason." Tara smiled a little. "D'you trust me?" He asked.

She nodded, uncertainly. "Okay."

Spike lowered his face, his lips barely brushing hers. He did it again, making sure that he hardly touched her. It was excruciating for him, but after a few more times, he got his reward when Tara finally reached up and pulled him down until he was kissing her proper.

Her fingers ran up and down his shoulders while his were lost in her hair. Tara gave a little jolt as she felt his tongue touch her lips, but then she opened her mouth to him, not wanting to think about the last person who had kissed her, or the last guy she had been with, or even think past what she was doing right now. She just wanted to shut her brain off for the night.

Spike nearly groaned out loud when she opened her mouth. He plunged in; tasting the wine she had drunk. Her mouth was wet and warm and only managed to remind him of other parts he wanted to plunge into. He could feel her breasts pressed up against his chest, and he could only be thankful that she wasn't anywhere near his belt; he had a feeling that would end things faster than he'd like.

He wasn't thinking much at all once Tara started really kissing him back. She ran her tongue across his and into his mouth, making him hate Willow a little more with every passing second. He was about to pull her even closer when he remembered that humans needed to breath, and pulled away. He looked down at her- her face flushed, hair out of its clip, lips swollen and her chest rising with every breath- and was momentarily William, staring down at an Earth goddess incarnate. Than she gave him a smile that made certain parts swell and said the only words he hadn't been planning on.

"Let's go downstairs."


	3. If we could go backwards

AN/: Well, here it is- my first attempt at writing sex. It's kinda scary, and I now have a greater respect for all the PWP writers out there. It's harder than it looks. ANyways, I hope you enjoy the story.

**DISCLAIMER: Joss' toys, my take on his world. I don't own it.**

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

Spike struggled to keep his mind silent as he led Tara downstairs; not too long ago, he was getting all weepy over Buffy and now he was about to shag her best friend's ex.

He wondered for almost a whole three seconds if this might be some kind of revenge or rebound, but then he looked into her eyes and knew: Tara was nobody's rebound girl.

Tara stepped closer to him and stroked his cheek. She could sense some kind of turmoil.

"What's wrong?"

Spike closed his eyes and leaned into her touch, enjoying the closeness. It had been so long since anyone had touched him like this- just for comfort. "I don't think it's fair t'you, us doin' this. I don't want this to be some kind of revenge."

Tara smiled softly, understanding. "We've dealt with a lot lately, and I know that we're both hurt. This isn't about revenge, Spike; it's about healing. We both need to move on, to forget, and I can't think of anyone who could make me forget more that you." She told him, pressing herself closer. Spike instantly hardened, but still wouldn't let himself give in, not yet.

"What is it you're most afraid of, Spike?" She asked him. He looked down at her, his insecurities showing. He didn't know what it was, but whenever he was around her, all his armor, all his shields, fell out of place and he was left bare. Buffy made his shields double up, Dru was the reason he had created them, but Tara…some part of him knew that he'd be safe with her without them, and they left, leaving him at her mercy.

"I don't want t'be with you, knowing that you're thinkin' of her." He confessed.

Tara rose up on her toes until they were eye to eye. Leaning in until her lips almost touched his, she whispered, "So make sure I don't." She shivered as Spike stared at her, the look on his face pure, animalistic lust.

Tara's words had succeeded in not only quelling his fear, but also in making it impossible to think about anything but what she had said. If she wanted to forget, he'd make sure that by the time he was done with her, she didn't even know who Willow was.

Spike lunged forward and ground his mouth against hers. Tara moaned as he moved his hands up her spine and brought them around to cup her breasts. _'She has amazin'_ _breasts._' Spike thought, kneading them through her top. He rolled her nipples between his fingers, loving the sound the made as she cries out for him. He silenced her with a kiss, and that along with the smell of her arousal was too much for him.

"Sorry luv." He muttered, ripping off her shirt. "I'll pick y'up a new one." Spike lifted Tara up and threw her on the bed, not giving her a chance to settle before he was on her again. He was about to tear off her bra as well when Tara stopped him.

"Let me, I just bought this thing." She pushed him onto his back and he watched with appreciative eyes as she straddled him and slowly unhooked her bra. Spike's smile was full of surprise as he enjoyed his show. '_It's always the quiet ones_.'

Tara shrugged the straps off her shoulders and covered her breasts with her hands. Spike's earlier thoughts of her as an Earth goddess where quickly changing to sex goddess. This girl was built for sex; she was all woman. Spike chuckled as she began to massage herself, and he was getting almost painfully hard as the moments went by.

"You little minx" He said, running his hands along her thighs, "You act all pure and quiet while all along you've been hidin' your inner porn-star"

Tara chuckled. "I was only quiet because most of the stuff I have to say can't be said in front of Dawn." Her chuckle turned to a gasp as Spike's roaming hands found their was under her skirt. "Oh, goddess!"

Spike grinned evilly. "Y'like that, pet?" he asked as he pulled her panties to the side and sunk a finger into her wetness.

"OH! Spike!" Tara grunted, grinding her hips down as he added another finger. "Please…more." She begged him. He added a third, and struggled to stay in control, even though every time she came down, it was right on his now very uncomfortable erection.

Tara rode him a few more seconds before he lost it. Flipping her onto her back, he pulled his fingers out and took off her skirt. There was a mad dash between them to get each other's clothes off, and soon they were naked.

Spike settled between her legs and was about the enter her. Tara suddenly stiffened up, terror in her eyes. "Spike, stop!" Spike stilled immediately.

"Oh fuck, did I hurt you? What's wrong?"

Tara shook her head. "I just…I'm sorry, I just got f-freaked out for a minute. G-go ahead."

Spike moved off of her and lay by her side. "That wasn't a freak-out, luv; that was pure terror. Believe me, I've seen that look a thousand times." He brushed her hair out of her face. "This is about that guy, yeah? The one that hurt you?"

Tara's eyes filled with tears. "Yeah," She whispered.

Anger filled Spike as he thought about someone causing her any pain. He held back a growl, his demon struggling to come out. "Tell me what happened Tara."

The tears spilled out. Tara nestled up against his neck; Spike wrapped his arm around her, holding her close.

She began to sob. Spike never called her by her name before; having him do it now just showed her how serious he was, how much her cared.

"Who was he?" He asked quietly, stroking her hair.

"H-he was a f-friend of my brother's. He was always at the house, a-and he would just be there, teasing me and saying things…then I-it was more than that. He would pull me into the bathroom or my room and…he w-would touch me; make me _do _things." Spike pulled her closer, wishing he knew what to do. "He did that for months, and then one day he did more. He h-had never actually r-raped me before, until that day. It hurt so bad, I thought he'd broken something. I a-always knew to be q-quiet, but this just hurt so much that I couldn't, and I screamed.

My cousin was visiting with her parents…it was the day before Thanksgiving…She heard me and came to see what was wrong. She was only ten and thought he was trying to kill me. She yelled for my mom and she came up…y-you ever see Willow's eyes turn black?" Spike nodded. "My mom's did that. Then she killed him, burned him to a crisp. He was just lying there, crumbling.

My dad came in and saw him dead and me naked, and flipped. My mom was still black-eyed, and it was the first time he had seen just how powerful she was. She died two weeks later, and around that time, my dad started telling us about the women in the family becoming demons. I think he was afraid of us becoming too much like her."

For the first time, Spike really saw what happened to people after evil was through with them. They ended up like Tara had been, the ones that lived at all- little girls destined to be victims, to always be hurt-used. Not all of them escaped like her, and found strength. No, usually once the monsters were done with you, you stayed broken. '_How many have_ _I broken over the years?_' he wondered, feeling what must have been a stab of guilt.

"Did your dad kill her- you mum?" he asked her.

Tara nodded hesitantly. "I think so. He's the kind of man who would."

Spike tightened his grip on her. No wonder she looked so scared; if souled humans had hurt her so much, she must've been terrified of what a demon like himself would do.

"I should've killed 'im last year." He told her. Tara smiled.

Turning his face towards hers, she kissed him, taking his anger away. "You didn't know. And anyway, all that would've done was give Buffy a reason to stake you. That would've sucked."

"Yeah, I guess it would at that. But I still could've done somethin'. I could smell a bit o' badness on him, but I didn't do anything. I should've."

Tara looked at him, her face earnest. "You did do something; you punched me, remember? Once there was proof that I wasn't a demon, he didn't have any way to control me. _You _did that, Spike." She leaned forward and gave him a searing kiss. "And," she said with a come-hither smile, "If you still want to…try, I do too."

Spike brushed his thumb across her lips, a look of wonderment on his face. He smiled.

"Glinda, you are the farthest thing from ready that I can think of." He told her gently. Crestfallen, Tara tried to pull away, but he wouldn't let her. "Hey, listen; y'need time, got it? You don't go from bein' raped to dating girls to having sex with men again. You need t'get used to it, and it's not like I'm goin' anywhere. Y'need to take however long you need, and when you're ready, I'll be there, alright?"

Tara brushed a tear off her face and smiled at him. "Thank you."

"Now," Spike told her, pulling her against his neck again, "It's late, y'must be tired, so we're goin' to bed. In the morning I'll open my gift, give you yours, and we'll maybe find something to eat, yeah?" He pulled the blanket up around them, feeling her warmth seep into him.

Tara gave him one last kiss before snuggling in. "Merry Christmas, Spike."

"Merry Christmas, luv." He whispered back as she closed her eyes. "Merry Christmas."

AN/: So, I hope you liked it. I could continue, I guess, or I could end it here. Let me know what you think.


End file.
